When the People We Love Can’t Appreciate Our Art
I recently came across a movie called Mrs Lowry & Son, and at first, I wasn’t sure I was interested. But something pulled me in, and by the end, I felt deeply moved—and heartbroken.
The film tells a story based on the real-life painter L.S. Lowry, the artist of industrial Manchester’s “matchstick men,” and his relationship with his aging mother.
She lies bedridden in their small house, sharp-tongued and disappointed with her life. He—already a middle-aged man, though still treated like a disappointing child—cares for her devotedly while painting in secret.
There’s something especially poignant about this: a grown man with his own vision, his own inner world, still seeking the approval of a mother who will not give it, still tied to her bedside by duty and love and the enduring hope that maybe, finally, she’ll see him.
“Those horrible things,” she calls his paintings. She dismisses his vision of the smoky factories and crowded streets, blind to the beauty he sees. Throughout the film, Lowry brings his work to her like a child offering a gift, hoping somehow this time she’ll understand.
She never does.
The Want of Parental Approval
What struck me most was how specific and universal this dynamic feels. Lowry isn’t seeking fame or fortune. He wants something more fundamental: to be seen by the person who matters most. He wants his mother to look at his work and, through it, finally see him.
So many artists know this feeling. The writer whose parent asks, “But when will you get a real job?” The musician whose family sits politely through performances but never truly listens. The painter whose work is unenthusiastically cited as “interesting.”
It’s not about the art. It’s about love. When someone rejects what we create, it feels like they’re rejecting the deepest part of who we are.
The Parents Who Can’t See
Parents with low emotional intelligence often struggle to see their children as separate beings with their own inner lives, desires, and visions.
(more…)