Category: Grief / Loss

The press went crazy last month when photos from the investigation at Paisley Park were released. They were quick to show photos from his infamous vault, photos of his pills, and even photos of his dead body. The media is interested in eyeballs on screens and so they take every sensational angle they can on a story, even if it’s throwing mud on a person’s legacy. What ever happened to respect, and dignity? What about trying to understand who someone is? Why was Prince so special? What was it about him and the way that he lived?  Doesn’t anyone want to know? Instead they want to know how he died and turn it into something scandalous.

Despite his vast fan base, as a person, Prince was poorly understood by most. He was highly intelligent, but sometimes he couldn’t express himself clearly to people around him, because whatever he had to say, it was too far reaching for most people to understand. Despite the glamour and magic he created, his life in his last years were lived relatively modest from what one would expect. He focused mostly on his work. The photos from the police files reveal the most human side of Prince that you will ever see.

This is what you would have seen when you walk in through the front door. You can see on the two side walls beside the door, enlarged images of his iconic guitars. Inscribed on the wall are lyrics from the song, U Make My Sun Shine. At the front door, his parked his bike. Notice the ceiling of the sitting area, it is painted like a piano keyboard and night sky. It’s one of my favourite parts of the place.

This is one of his many studio areas. Notice the photo of his father on the shelf. There is a framed copy of Musicology on the other side of the shelf.

Many people don’t realize that he also rented out his studio for other artists to record.This place was not originally intended as a living residence, it was a studio production facility for music and film. Because Prince would work many late nights, he did keep a space as his living quarters. He had other houses, but in the last years, he took up full time residency at Paisley.

Notice the neon sign of the moon in he window? That was from his movie, Graffiti Bridge. A lot of his “decor” items are prop items repurposed from his film projects or they were originally used as promotional materials.

Many fans have wondered if Prince knew how to read sheet music. Although he did not write his music in the traditional sheet music form, you can tell he understood music theory by the look of his notes..

Paisley Park was had a sound stage and lounge area where he held listening parties and dance parties for the Minneapolis area locals You will notice the door is painted with a version of the artwork from When Dove Cry music video. .

The artwork from the back wall is from the album artwork for The Rainbow Children.

The oat check counter for guests. Notice on the right side, that is the motorcycle from Graffiti Bridge.

This is in one of his many offices.  On the wall are outfits he wore for performances or photo shoots.

This is the desk where the pamphlets for rehab were found.

This is another one of his offices. This room has words like “dream” and “inspire” painted on the walls.  Notice on the wall, artwork from the Planet Earth album.

Many people don’t realize, but sometimes P would use a cane for back and hip support. Notice on the floor, a shopping bag from Electric Fetus, a local record shop that P frequented.

This is another of his offices. I love this one, he had purple velvet chairs and gold foil wallpaper.

Paisley Park had two kitchens, one for everyday use and other more commercial-style kitchen. This is the counter from the “small kitchen”. You can see that he had via seeds and green tea in his stash. He took a lot of vitamin snd nutritional supplements to stay healthy on the road. P is mostly a healthy eater, but he does have his indulgences…

Many people think that Prince was a vegan. He did try being vegan at one point, but he was vegetarian. He loved his eggs. And here you see 8 pints of Haagen-Dazs ice cream in chocolate and strawberry.

This is the fridge from the “big kitchen”.

P had candes in just about every room of the house. This is his stash.

The “big kitchen”.

Hiere we found his secret stash on Snickers bars found in one of his bedroom mini fridges. He once told Scary Spice in an interview that Snickers bars were traded like currency in the school yard when he was a kid. He played in a band and got paid in candy.

Most people might imagine that P had an expansive closet, but he mostly kept his clothes on rolling racks in the laundry room with his suitcases. It was so he could be ready to pack up and go any time.

This is where he kept of his jewellery and accessories. There’s a DVD rack as well so that he could pack some movies for the road.

Here is P’s dressing table. You can see his famous 3rd eye sunglasses, some B-12 supplements, and his make up. He mostly wore a lot of MAC cosmetics.

Here was some signage that he used on tour for his dressing room. It says on this one, “Welcome 2 Canada”.

If want to know what was inside’s P’s mind, you have to know what his influences were. I have a post on Prince’s DVD collection and his book collection if you are interested knowing. I hope you enjoyed this mini tour of Paisley Park. I wanted to show you something different from what being shown in the mainstream media.

I thought I’d leave you with a pic of my artwork that is available for sale. I framed a vintage vinyl release of Nothing Compares 2 U over one of my photography prints. The vinyl never came with cover artwork. You can see on the label that it is the original Paisley Park label design. Even though they are re-releasing Prince’s records on vinyl, I think it’s nice town the original stuff.

Image above: “Paisley Park” by Carver County

©2018 by Andrea Mai. All rights reserved.

Just before the anniversary of Prince’s passing, Carver County Police released the image files they had from their investigation at Paisley Park. News outlets were posting articles on the conclusion of the investigation. I didn’t read the articles. I already knew what happened. But I got a hold of the files the police has released and ended up looking through the stuff they had. After my own investigation, I read some of the articles in the news and found that my own conclusions were matching the official story.

Prince in spirit had told me that he was hiding his pills in emptied vitamin bottles. His dying was a process that was a result of choices he made. He takes responsibility for his passing, though there were transgressions that caused his unexpected early demise. Last year, I had a vivid dream where he showed me that he was hiding pills in his pockets.

The reason I am writing this post is because I want to set the record straight in such a way that the media hasn’t been able to do. The official story is true, but many of Prince’s fans and conspiracy-type followers won’t let go of their false accusations. They insist on an alternate version of what they believed happened, despite all the clear evidence. I think it’s great that people have a critical view of authority and the media; however, not everything is fake or a conspiracy. If anything, people who do not do their homework should not be going out there spreading lies about his death. Not every case of a celebrity death is a result of foul play.

Due to my personal connection with P, I get very offended when people insist that he was murdered by supposedly jealous associates or music industry secret society members. Some start making unjustified accusations, blaming his friends and family. I understand how much people love Prince, but pointing fingers, looking for someone to blame; it takes away consideration for who he is as a person. I am offended by these conspiracy theories, click-bait speculation, and wild accusations because it is not the truth.

Perhaps it is human nature to find someone to blame when something horrible happens. People cannot seem to handle the fact that their idols are fragile human beings, that they are  not infallible, that they are mere mortal beings, like you and I. And maybe by recognizing this fact alone, you have to face up to the fact that you have every responsibility in your own life to make the most of it.

False conclusions about his death take away from the true meaning of his life, and this is why I write to point out the truth. Prince is an outstanding person, not because he is special and talented, but because he did the best he could with whatever he had in life.

Many people cannot accept the fact that he made a choice where he took opioid medications. They say things like, but he was “so energetic and upbeat at his last performance”. Such a statement speaks to his true commitment as an artist. They don’t realize his many health struggles.

From an early age, he dealt with epilepsy and suffered seizures. Though they subsided when he got older, he developed other issues from being a performer. Prince was someone who strived for excellence. He would often outdo himself, he never missed a beat. He wore high heels on and off stage. By the time he was in his 30’s, he was using a walking cane. He made it look stylish, but he was genuinely using it for support. By the time he reached his 50’s, his pain was so severe that he would need hip surgery. He didn’t complain about his health issues to anyone. He is not that type of person. He kept his personal problems private, even from “close” friends. He played through the pain and used whatever medication he could to cope.

As it was reported in the media, Prince was taking opioid medication,one in  a generic form of oxycodone, and what he thought was Vicodin. Vicodin is mainly used for back pain, it is a highly controlled substance, and a doctor will cut your prescription past a certain point, which often leaves patients struggling to cope with withdrawal and severe pain. (Didn’t you ever see the medical drama series, House?  The doc gets addicted to the Vicodin.) Many patients become so desperate that they find other (illegal) means to get a hold of this medication. Vicodin is a oval shaped tablet, which is stamped with the words, “Watson 853”. Many counterfeit versions of the drug appears identical, but do not contain the same ingredients; often containing fentanyl, which the buyer is unknowing of. A bottle for over-the-counter pills at Prince’s bedside was found to contain Watson 853.

Another suitcase was found with bottles of vitamin C that were found to contain the illicit Watson 853 pills.

Other medications were found, including medicines that were prescribed the day before his passing. These medications were for treating opioid withdrawal symptoms and the prevention of seizures. These medications had nothing to do with his passing. The passing was due to fentanyl toxicity. Fentanyl is very easy to overdose on, and having no awareness that one is taking it is deadly. It does not appear to be that he was aware that his pills were laced with fentanyl. He was struggling to get off the opioids and he was looking into rehab in the San Francisco area. Pamphlets for a rehab centre were found on his desk.

For those that are still not convinced that he took opioids, here is another fact for you. Opioid medications are known to cause constipation. A shopping bag full of laxatives were found. A receipt dated January 10, 2015, shows that he bought 4 packages of laxatives. Two other bottle of laxatives were also found in his bathroom. Maybe this is too TMI for you, but these are the facts.

Other nutritional supplements were found throughout the building. These supplements show that he had concern for bone issues, muscle mass issues, stress and anxiety, brain function, energy levels, and overall immune system function. Due to his vegetarian (not vegan) diet, he has concern for B-12 defficiency. Although it appeared that he had a lot of pills, I do not feel that it was an unreasonable amount. He maintained a steady supply of supplements to help him keep from getting sick while travelling on tour. He took things like oregano pills and vitamin C powder. The media made it sound like he was a pill junkie. I have many supplement bottles at my house. If anyone were to see my stash, they might think I was a pill junkie too. My point is, the media can paint you a story just by being selective with facts and evidence.

Though I am heart broken that his physical body has expired, I am glad that he is no longer suffering in constant pain. The fact that people refuse to believe that he was in pain is somewhat insulting; it shows lack of empathy and a failure to appreciate what he really did. His legacy should be looked upon with great admiration; not because he was an amazing musician, but because despite all of his chronic pain and suffering, he accomplished so much in his lifetime. He did not allow himself to become a victim of his condition, he didn’t complain, he strived to be his best everyday, even if he felt grumpy or tempermental at times. He took responsibility of his life and made something of it. Not many are willing to do the same, they would rather make excuses for themselves.

Although he is no loner here in the physical, I assure you, as his twin soul, that he is well and fine in spirit. He wrote many songs making reference to the afterlife, because he knew that there was such a thing. Is it any wonder that he still wishes to communicate after leaving this world?

For me, personally, I could not remain sad the way that his fans did and still do. Because he is a constant presence in my life, someone I talk to all the time (when I say all the time, I mean constant, like an angel over my shoulder). If I were to cry and whine the way his fans do, he would seriously tell me to stop (being like that).

Really, all he really wants is for you to know that there is an afterlife. And because there is, you must consider how you are living this one. Live for love, and without regrets, dear friends.  One day, we will all have to look back at our lives and answer if there was any meaning it. It’s better to do that now than after we go.

Image above: “Prince’s office” by Carver County.

©2018 by Andrea Mai. All rights reserved.

In this last year, I’ve learned so much about death, that it is no longer something that I would ever fear. It’s been a real blessing, to know that there is no such thing as “death”, just a transformation, an entry into the other world. In some ways, I did not really grieve Prince’s death, because to me, he was still alive in the energetic sense, he is only invisible in the material reality. I feel him, and he feels me. I still wish he could be here, and he does too. But as he would say, “but life ain’t always the way”, meaning life isn’t always what you want it to be.

A few weeks ago, I had a dream. Prince was in a hospital bed, he looked frail and slumped over. I went over to help him. The phone was ringing, I went to answer it. Nurses came and took him away. His jacket was folded up neatly on his bed. I opened it up, there was a gold pin that said “Prince” on it. I put on his jacket and found in the pockets, little containers full of pills. In the rest of the dream, I sat around waiting for him.

A little while ago, a video about opioids showed up on my YouTube feed, and I watched it. I haven’t watched any videos related to something like that, so I know that Prince has been re-arrranging my feed, and he wanted me to watch it. He wanted me to understand his struggles as a human (and why he left). There has been a lot of backlash about opioid drugs, doctors are afraid to prescribe it because of the potential liability associated with it. As result, many patients resort to different methods of obtaining these medications. These patients are not addicts, they are dependent on these drugs in order to retain any sense of normalcy in their lives. The side effects are unfortunate, but if you are living in constant pain, then you are not left with many options for treatment.

Many people still refuse to believe that he took such medications, or that he lived in pain. As his twin soul, I know that he would have kept such a thing as a secret (twin souls share the same mindset and behaviours). Because I do the same. I hide my pain and suffering from others. I hid my disability for many years through out my school years. I am not the type of person to complain about my health. We are the kind to play through the pain. Prince was good at keeping secrets, he was a Scorpio rising sign, the most secretive of all the signs.

There were signs that he was not doing well, they are there if you are willing to look with an open heart. He had been using a cane since the 1990’s. Sure, he made it look like a dapper accessory, but it served a function for him. Being a performer that toured as much as he did, is hard, physical work. People forget that and think it’s an easy life being a rock star. High heels, jumping off pianos, it is hard on the body, and his body (though beautiful) was a fragile one. Electric guitars are heavier than they look, my friend. As his twin, I’ve been on the receiving end of phantom pains throughout my life, shooting pains along my legs, hip and neck pains that would come and go. His last tour was just him and a piano, because it’s easier on the body to sit a piano than to play guitar. His style of dressing was also more easy going, less restrictive on the body, more casual. His hair grown out naturally, making it easier to maintain. An evolution of his style, yes, but mainly to make his life easier. He took whatever his circumstance was and made it work for him. He was in the middle of writing his memoirs when he left, because he knew he didn’t have long (but he thought he had more time).

I hope you can all come to this understanding of what life was like for him, so that you can stop being sad about his passing. He’s not really gone.

Image above: “You’re my best friend” by Prince in spirit.

©2017 by Andrea Mai. All rights reserved.

It was not long after Prince’s passing that I found myself sitting in front of a camera, doing a reading of his Numerology. Not knowing any of what I know now, I felt compelled to talk about him. I had been studying his Numerology and referring to his interviews. I had pieced a clear picture of who he was, a very special person, but most would fail to understand.

In 2013, I began my studies in Numerology and started offering services to others, doing readings (I now do Astro-Numerology, that is Astrology and Numerology combined). In the following year, on my birthday, Starla offered a reading to me. She told me that I would be meeting man who would be very interested in my work in Numerology. Someone very spiritual, but would not appear to be so. Someone who travelled a lot for his work. Someone much older than me. As she described him, I knew it was someone who was a musician. I could see him dressed in white, but I couldn’t see who it was. Time passed, and I just didn’t think any more of this prediction.

Recently, I discovered another “strange”detail about the date of Prince’s passing. Not only do I think he predicted it in his own writing, but something even more bizarre in the Numerology. HIs birth date is June 7, 1958. So if you did his Numerology, you would find that his numbers are 7, 13/4, 36/9. Then, if you do the Numerology of the date of his passing, April 21, 2016, by adding the numbers of the year, you get 9. Then add the month, you’ll get 13/4 (9 +4 = 13, 1 + 3 = 4). And then if you add the day, the 21st, you get 7. 9, 4, 7; the same numbers you get from his birth date!

There is another bizarre twist to this story because this is 9 years before his tour for his Planet Earth album, where is did his 21 Nights tour in London. The number 21. His chose this number deliberately. And if you saw the Recurring Dream poem I mentioned in an older post, he wrote the words, “4 21 nights”. April is 4 in Numerology. And again, if you look at his album, 3121. This number is very important to him, he also had a perfume with this name. He pronounces it as thirty-one, twenty-one. So you can see the number 21 is very significant. If you also add 31 together, it is a 4. The number 31 is the reverse of the number 13, which is one of the number I mentioned above regarding his birth and death date.

I will also mention here that Prince recorded the song, Sometimes It Snows In April, on April 21, 1985 for his movie, Under The Cherry Moon (And his death was on a night of a pink full moon). The song is about the death of the main chart in the movie, played by Prince. This is why it is said that this song was prophetic. Sometimes the soul knows more than the conscious mind and it shows up in one’s art, because we channel it from the soul. Even more spooky, Prince was said to have nearly died on April 21, 1996 from a bad mixture of aspirin and wine.

It is my belief that certain dates can act like portals. I’ve read that astrological alignments are gateways for the soul to enter and leave the planet.

On another note, Prince wore the number 3 on his jersey for his basketball team. 3 is my Life Path number. In high school. I used the moniker “vinyl39” for my email and screen name. I do not know why I chose this number as it is not related to anything in particular. But now I realize that it is 3, my number, and Prince, his number, which is 9.

This video below, was made six months before I started writing about my Prince experiences on this blog. This was before the Starla reading, before I listened to his music, and before I started hearing him talk back to me. I just knew who he was and wanted others to understand him. At one point during filming, the camera did some funny things and I felt a bit spooked by it. I thought maybe he was there, but then again, it was all still a mystery at the time.

If you want to learn more about Numerology, go to my other website for Numerology.

©2017 by Andrea Mai. All rights reserved.