{"id":22952,"date":"2026-02-03T16:24:00","date_gmt":"2026-02-03T21:24:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.andreamaicreative.com\/archive\/?p=22952"},"modified":"2026-02-21T21:29:22","modified_gmt":"2026-02-22T02:29:22","slug":"excerpt-from-my-novel-condozilla","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.andreamaicreative.com\/archive\/excerpt-from-my-novel-condozilla\/","title":{"rendered":"EXCERPT FROM MY NOVEL, CONDOZILLA"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

A Novel Based On The Real-Life Story of A Self-Rep<\/em><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Being a self-rep in court, I felt like I\u2019d stepped into a foreign land where I didn\u2019t speak the language. Sitting in the hallway waiting for my number to be called, I\u2019d watch the chaos unfold around me and listen. I heard the same stories over and over: people just like me, completely lost, trying to navigate a system that feels designed to keep us out.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In my novel,\u00a0Condozilla<\/em>, the main character Clara is based loosely on my own experiences. She\u2019s a fashion designer, not a lawyer\u2014smart and determined, but learning the ropes the hard way. In this scene, she\u2019s waiting in the filing office and overhears the kinds of conversations I sat through so many times myself. It wasn\u2019t until I wrote this that I realized how much we have in common with the Legally Blonde<\/em> character, Elle Woods: a little out of our depth, maybe a little naive, but armed with determination and a stubborn belief that we belong in that room.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Here is an excerpt from Condozilla<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n

The Affidavit

The courthouse registrar\u2019s office was bustling with people, but I tried to stay focused. I had spent weeks organizing Mom\u2019s affidavit, and now it was finally ready. The document was neatly bound, with Post-it tabs marking every page that needed a signature or a commissioner\u2019s stamp. The exhibits\u2014photos, emails, and receipts\u2014were labeled and referenced, each one a piece of evidence in Mom\u2019s fight against the board.

As we waited for our number to come up on the monitor, I couldn\u2019t help but overhear the conversations swirling around the courthouse office. The room was a cacophony of hushed voices, nervous shuffling, and the occasional frustrated sigh. Most of the people here were navigating family law cases\u2014divorces, custody battles, and disputes over child support.

Many of them were self-represented, clutching stacks of paperwork and looking as lost as I had felt when I first stepped into this world of legal jargon and rigid procedures.

A woman in her late thirties stood at the counter, her voice trembling as she spoke to the office clerk. She held a toddler on her hip, the child fussing with a toy while the woman tried to make sense of the forms in her hand.

\u201cI just don\u2019t understand,\u201d she said, her voice breaking. \u201cHe\u2019s not paying child support, and I can\u2019t afford a lawyer. What am I supposed to do?\u201d

The clerk, a middle-aged man with a tired but kind expression, glanced at her paperwork. \u201cI\u2019m sorry, ma\u2019am,\u201d he said gently. \u201cI can\u2019t give you legal advice. You\u2019ll need to speak to a lawyer about that.\u201d

\u201cBut I can\u2019t afford a lawyer,\u201d she repeated, her voice rising slightly. \u201cThat\u2019s why I\u2019m here. I just need to know what to do next.\u201d

The clerk hesitated, clearly torn between wanting to help and the strict rules that bound him. \u201cI can show you where to file the forms,\u201d he said finally, pointing to a stack of documents on the counter. \u201cBut I can\u2019t tell you what to write or how to argue your case. That\u2019s something you\u2019ll need to figure out on your own\u2014or with a lawyer.\u201d

The woman\u2019s shoulders slumped, and she nodded reluctantly, her eyes glistening with unshed tears. She shifted the toddler to her other hip and began gathering her papers, her movements slow and defeated.

Behind her, an older man stepped forward, his face etched with frustration. \u201cI\u2019ve been here three times this week,\u201d he said, his voice sharp with irritation. \u201cEvery time, I\u2019m told I need to fill out another form or pay another fee. How am I supposed to get a divorce if no one will tell me what I\u2019m doing wrong?\u201d

The clerk sighed, clearly used to this kind of frustration. \u201cSir, I understand this process can be confusing, but I\u2019m not allowed to give legal advice. You\u2019ll need to consult a lawyer or do your own research.\u201d

\u201cResearch?\u201d the man snapped. \u201cI\u2019m not a lawyer. I\u2019m just trying to move on with my life.\u201d

The clerk\u2019s expression softened, but his tone remained firm. \u201cI\u2019m sorry, sir. I can only help you with the filing process. Anything beyond that, you\u2019ll need to figure out on your own.\u201d

The man muttered something under his breath and stormed off, his papers clutched tightly in his hand.

I glanced at Mom, who was sitting beside me, her hands folded neatly in her lap. She gave me a small, knowing smile. \u201cIt\u2019s not easy, is it?\u201d she said quietly.

I shook my head, feeling a pang of empathy for the people around us. They were just like me\u2014ordinary people thrust into a system that felt designed to confuse and overwhelm. The clerk wasn\u2019t being unkind; he was just following the rules. But those rules left so many people stranded, struggling to navigate a labyrinth of legal procedures without a guide.

My phone buzzed in my pocket, and I pulled it out to see a text from Jimmy:

“Hey cuz, just finished rewatching Legally Blonde. Elle Woods would be proud of you. You\u2019ve got this!”

A laugh escaped me. Leave it to Jimmy to package a pep talk in a cult-classic callback. My thumbs flew over the screen:

“Thanks, Jimmy. If only I had Elle\u2019s closet\u2014and Bruiser\u2019s moral support.”

As I hit send, it hit me: I was Elle Woods, minus the Harvard degree and the tiny designer dog. A fashion girl thrown into a courtroom, armed with nothing but sheer nerve and a stubborn belief that pastel colours can be powerful. Maybe I didn\u2019t have her script, but I had the same drive.

He replied almost instantly:

\u201cForget the chihuahua. You\u2019ve got the brains AND the determination. Now go channel your inner Bruce Lee and kick some legal butt.\u201d

I shook my head, tucking my phone back into my pocket. Jimmy\u2019s texts were always a mix of ridiculous and reassuring, and right now, I needed both. His words reminded me that I wasn\u2019t alone in this fight, even if it felt like it sometimes.

As our number finally flashed on the monitor, I stood up, feeling a mix of determination and frustration. The system wasn\u2019t fair, but it was the one we had to work with. And if there was one thing I\u2019d learned, it was that sometimes, you had to fight not just for yourself, but for everyone else who couldn\u2019t.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

If you\u2019ve ever felt lost in a courthouse or faced a system designed to confuse, you\u2019ll recognize yourself here. My novel captures the humor, the empathy, and the absurdity in full color\u2014so go ahead, laugh, cringe, and nod along as the story unfolds.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n
GET CONDOZILLA<\/a><\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

A Novel Based On The Real-Life Story of A Self-Rep Being a self-rep in court, I felt like I\u2019d stepped into a foreign land where I didn\u2019t speak the language. Sitting in the hallway waiting for my number to be called, I\u2019d watch the chaos unfold around me and listen. I heard the same stories […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":true,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-22952","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":11323,"url":"https:\/\/www.andreamaicreative.com\/archive\/new-project-release-condozilla\/","url_meta":{"origin":22952,"position":0},"title":"NEW PROJECT RELEASE: Condozilla","author":"Andrea Mai","date":"January 30, 2026","format":false,"excerpt":"For years, I fought a battle I never asked for. It was quiet, exhausting, and fought in a place that I never thought that I'd step foot in: a courtroom. My parents own a condo, and the condo board got nasty. For months, it was my secret second job. Researching\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "News & Project Releases"","block_context":{"text":"News & Project Releases","link":"https:\/\/www.andreamaicreative.com\/archive\/category\/news\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.andreamaicreative.com\/archive\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/01\/AndreaMai-3599-scaled.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.andreamaicreative.com\/archive\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/01\/AndreaMai-3599-scaled.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.andreamaicreative.com\/archive\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/01\/AndreaMai-3599-scaled.jpg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.andreamaicreative.com\/archive\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/01\/AndreaMai-3599-scaled.jpg?resize=700%2C400&ssl=1 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.andreamaicreative.com\/archive\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/01\/AndreaMai-3599-scaled.jpg?resize=1050%2C600&ssl=1 3x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.andreamaicreative.com\/archive\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/01\/AndreaMai-3599-scaled.jpg?resize=1400%2C800&ssl=1 4x"},"classes":[]},{"id":22733,"url":"https:\/\/www.andreamaicreative.com\/archive\/the-real-experience-behind-my-legal-novel\/","url_meta":{"origin":22952,"position":1},"title":"THE REAL EXPERIENCE BEHIND MY LEGAL NOVEL","author":"Mai","date":"February 18, 2026","format":false,"excerpt":"My Real-Life Experience As A Self-Represented Litigant in Canada When I first started searching for information on self-representation in Canadian courts, I was struck by how little was available. There were a few books, yes, but nothing that spoke directly to what I was going through. Family law, on the\u2026","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":22963,"url":"https:\/\/www.andreamaicreative.com\/archive\/the-reality-of-retaining-a-lawyer\/","url_meta":{"origin":22952,"position":2},"title":"THE REALITY OF RETAINING A LAWYER","author":"Mai","date":"February 23, 2026","format":false,"excerpt":"What Surprised Me As A Self-Rep As a self-represented litigant facing a team of lawyers, I assumed I was up against highly coordinated professionals with extensive expertise and institutional support. The imbalance in resources alone was intimidating. I expected that every document would be meticulously prepared and every procedural step\u2026","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":22967,"url":"https:\/\/www.andreamaicreative.com\/archive\/the-emotional-reality-of-a-self-rep\/","url_meta":{"origin":22952,"position":3},"title":"THE EMOTIONAL REALITY OF BEING A SELF REP","author":"Mai","date":"February 26, 2026","format":false,"excerpt":"Being a self-represented litigant is, I have to say, one of the most stressful and loneliest experiences I think anyone can go through. It's not just the stigma, though that's real enough\u2014the bias, the assumptions, the way people's faces shift when you explain why you're in court without a lawyer.\u2026","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":23035,"url":"https:\/\/www.andreamaicreative.com\/archive\/when-definitions-can-make-or-break-your-case\/","url_meta":{"origin":22952,"position":4},"title":"WHEN DEFINITIONS CAN MAKE OR BREAK YOUR CASE","author":"Mai","date":"March 11, 2026","format":false,"excerpt":"A Self-Rep's Secret Weapon I once heard an interesting concept about contracts: that words need meaning to matter, and the writer of the contract has the ability to define them. The person who controls the definitions controls the agreement. 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